Hi All!!

I apologize in advance to anyone that I offend with this post – it is a sore subject with Black women but I must address it.

Earlier today I was shopping and happened upon the latest Jet magazine with Monique on the cover.  Now, I loves me some Monique!  Beautiful face, great personality, funny as hell, and has a voice like honey butter on biscuits.  Not to mention that she can stomp a negro if she has to…

Anyhoo, the article was about her latest movie and how she has gone from 260 to 222 lbs.  Her photos on both the cover and the inside story looked astounding, you could really tell that she has dropped some pounds.

In  the interview, Monique had stated that she knew that she was unhealthy and wanted to shed weight because she had kids and a new man to live for.  BUT……she was only gonna lose a little more weight because ” I don’t wanna be no skinny girl!”

SCREEEEECH!!  WTF?   What is wrong with being a skinny girl?  What makes being fat and living a life of settling instead of getting exactly what you want this great thing? When did “thin” become a bad thing to aspire for?

(Deep Heavy Sigh)  Could somebody please explain to me the Black woman’s love affair with fat?  I think we got the whole “Love yourself as you are” down  to a science, almost to a fault.   Queen Latifah, Oprah – brilliant women that beat the odds and became successful.  Ordinary women like you and me do it too,  holding it down and making it look easy….

But why, when it comes to losing weight, do we stop?   We can break cycles of poverty,  and abuse, why not obesity? We can be role models for young girls to follow their dreams and work hard etc.  Why can’t we be skinny and stunning while we are doing it? ” Girl, go get your bachelors, and get some running in while ya at it!”  Are we afraid of the power that beauty and fitness  hold for us or are we trying to keep ahold of the one excuse that stops us from truly having it all?

You notice that I haven’t said “health” or “get healthy”?  Because losing weight, for  a person that really needs to lose it, is not about health.  Honestly,  I couldn’t give a good damn about health.  I did this to look good, to stop being the too round peg for the round hole,  and to even up the playing field in my professional and love life.  Yes, my doctor told me “lose weight or die”, yes I had diabetes that was slowing taking my eyesight and kidney functions.  But so did my mom, who is still kicking at 67, and so did my Gramma who lived to be 75.  Diabetes did not scare me.  Dying fat, old, childless, alone and wearing ugly stretch pants and smock  sets from Catherine’s or the Blains catalog – that scared me.  Always feeling like the odd man out – scary.   Always having to be the clown or having to turn on the charm to win folks over, and never having someone feel like they had to win me over – horrifying.  I wanted to have a man kneeling helpless at my feet because he was overcome by my beauty, not because I just beat the crap out of him.  I wanted to be……normal.  Normal doesn’t have a section in the store just for you, or a seat belt extension on the plane, or a larger chair or wider booth in a restaurant.  Normal is just living day to day, blending in, living unapologetically…

I remember when I lost my first 50 pounds and my body started showing a major change.  People started to notice my weight loss and compliment me, but I would catch myself telling folks that ” well , I had to lose because of my sugar” or that I was getting knee problems, or my sleep apnea was bothering me.  Almost, no I was,  I was apologizing for trying improve myself.  Apologizing for wanting to be thin and daring to make that dream come true.

So when did skinny become a bad thing?  From the comments that have been made to me about my goal weight, skinny equals crack addict.  Skinny equals wanna be a white girl.  Skinny equals no butt and nothing for your man to hold on to.

But in reality, skinny equals a cheaper way of life -everything from what you spend on clothes to how much your health insurance will cost depends on your weight.  You will have less stress, so less medicine and doctor visits.

It also means a better quality of life.  Exercise will help you focus and your self esteem will skyrocket.  You will have more energy to life your life and make a few more dreams come true.

I know that I am not saying anything here that hasn’t been said before by someone else.  But, this is one of black women’s major stumbling blocks and I do believe that if we could overcome it, all this other mess (hair, skin, trifling men) would be behind us.

Sweet Potato Pie has also stated this more than once:  This is not a White girl thing.  Wanting to be pretty, thin and look good – it’s all part of being a woman.  You can still be a strong black woman if you want to – just be one with muscles and a waistline!

So, while I’m not totally mad at Monique,  I am disappointed.  I wanted to see her  and Queen sashay down the red carpet and put Angelina and some of these other Hollywood bimbos to shame.

Ladies,  it’s time to dump this lover – and mooove on to smaller and better things.

Til next time

You Can Do It