Time to be brave.....

Hello everyone!!  Including our Facebook friends!  Hope you all are enjoying this beautiful fall weather!  Not too cool, never too hot, so I am gettingin lots of running time!

See, the thing that I love about running is that is makes you feel invincible! You are moving, and breathing and taking it all in and really enjoying yourself.  You look forward to pushing yourself and you even enjoy the sweat.  You make new friends along the way ( Hi Hot Construction guys!) ( Hello Dirty Old Man who wants to buy me coffee at Starbucks!), and you make some rivals (Eff you Runner Chick that refuses move over when we pass – next time you get a grass and asphalt sandwich, bitch!).

Over the Labor Day holiday, I ran and finished my first 10k  (six miles) race.  I came in not first, not last but somewhere in the middle!  Let’s all say it together now….SHE-RA!!

Yes running gives me confidence – so when Ms. Johnson decided to come up withanother challenge – in a bathing suit no less! – I was like “Psssh – No problem here!  I’ll show my runner’s lithe and limber body!  Brang it!!”   The only problem was that I didn’t have a swimsuit that fit me.  Because I am a cheap ass that doesn’t pay full price for anything frugal shopper, I always buy my swimsuits off season on clearance.  So off I went on the quest for the perfect swimsuit to show off the new me!

Another side effect of running – too much can make you delusional.  I stepped into Target and went straight to the swimsuits – and my crazy ass picked out a TWO PIECE!! A tankini!  “Oh yes, this will look fabby on me!” I also found a suit that was exactly like the one Ms. Johnson is wearing.  “So cute, we’ll be twins!”

Off I went into the dressing room, ready to sashay-shante into the sexy suits.  Slid the two piece on, did some adjustments, tucked here, pulled there, smiled, turned around to face the mirror and

(gasp)

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!

Let me backtrack a little bit here…..I think in my last post , I stated that I wasn’t fat anymore.  Hmmmmm, lemme tighten that up a little.  What I meant to say was that I am HUMONGUSLY FAT!  Big gut, huge titties and that sh*t is STILL on the back of my legs!  And why, after almost one hundred pounds gone, do I still have back fat?  It’s only on one side granted, but I still look like a “before and after” shot from behind!

Eff this swimsuit  – I’m gonna look for one of those Susan Boyle full body no-sex-ever nightgowns!

Okay, calm down – I work hard…..this suit is just cut wrong!  Yeah, that’s it…try the other one on…. slip it on, tie it back…turn around…..

SWEET JAYSUS IN THE MORNING!! Get. this. off . of. me. now.

Nothing but nothing brings you back to Earth like swimsuit shopping.  I was  doing so much AACK-ing and carrying on, I know I sounded like a live Cathy comic. I just sat on the floor of the dressing room in a daze.  I couldn’t understand it – do the Diet-Trim and the tummy cincher pack in that damn much?  And just how big was I to still look like this a year later?  And how come there is no chocolate in my purse?!?

Well, I got dressed and took my stretched to the max swimsuits back to the attendant. “Didn’t fit?” she asked.  “Wrong color,”  I lied, making a bee-line to the grocery section.  I suddenly felt the need for a peanut butter, graham cracker, honey, banana, hot fudge, dove bar, potato chip parfait – washed down with a side of nachos.

I think that the reason that I have been successful so far at this weight loss game is that God is on my side.  He gives me epiphanies at the right time, little nudges to keep me on track.  This time was no different.  The first one was when I turned into the chip aisle and ran into Ms. Thang who was the old me  to the fourth power.   This chick had that Kate-plus – 8 hair style and a GREEN TUBE TOP – and LEGGINGS!!!   Suddenly, I wasn’t hungry any – let me stop lying, all I did was trade in the regular chips for the fat free.  I did put back the Dove bars tho….

Anyhoo, that’s when the second wind caught me.  My figure, when I am dressed up, is mostly lycra that is holding the loose skin and fat together.  Sooooo, I needed to find a swimsuit that does the same thing – lift, smoosh, and support.

Back I went to the swimsuits.  After swallowing a huge piece of humble pie and going into the (sob!) plus size section, I found a nice one piece in a size 14 (damn you boobies) that fit nicely and packed it in, rolls and all.  I even found and matching hat, sunglasses and some killer pumps to round it all out!  Ms. Tracy has got to look good……

So, right now we are at Seven weeks to go in this challenge.  As you can see, I need to do some serious core / upper body work, plus some leg and arm toning.  And Ms. Johnson,  I need some Breast Reduction in a Jar!!  If anyone (Casper, Henry, Grant, Facebook friends) has any suggestions on weight workouts that will help me get the girls under control, I would greatly appreciate it!!

So come on y’all!  You don’t have to get in a swimsuit, but let’s get a few more folks in on this 8 week Challenge!  I know that you have to be tired of seeing me get smaller – someone kick me off of my throne! Take my flag!  Don’t hit me with the ball tho – I hated dodgeball!

Let’s do this thing!  You Can Do It!!

(Where is the peanut butter?….I don’ t start til tomorrow……)